Tuesday, April 8, 2014

"Life's hard. It's even harder when you're stupid.” - John Wayne

A victim of Natural Selection
LUFKIN, Texas (AP) — Police in East Texas have arrested a woman after she called them to complain about the quality of the marijuana she had purchased from a dealer.

Lufkin police Sgt. David Casper said Monday that an officer went to the home of 37-year-old Evelyn Hamilton to hear her complaint that the dealer refused to return her money after she objected that the drug was substandard.

Casper says she pulled the small amount of marijuana from her bra when the officer asked if she still had it.

She was arrested Friday on a charge of possession of drug paraphernalia.

Hamilton said Monday that she spent $40 on "seeds and residue." She says she called police when she got no satisfaction from the dealer's family.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Siegfried & Roy's white tiger has died

LOS ANGELES (AP) -- Mantecore, the white tiger that injured Roy Horn on a Las Vegas stage in 2003, has died. He was 17.

A statement released by illusionist duo Siegfried & Roy on Tuesday said the tiger died from an illness on March 19. No other details were provided.

Refried Confusion animal expert, Anna Conda PhD, states: "This magnificent animal probably died because it could not get the taste of Roy out of it's mouth."


Thursday, March 20, 2014

Jesus: Fred Phelps was an asshole

The face of evil in a funny hat
Jesus of Nazareth speaks out on the death of Fred Phelps:

"Let me begin by stating that I never spoke or revealed anything to this asshole.  Actually it was my idea to call Irritable Bowel Syndrome Fred Phelps Disease but I was overruled by a Higher Politically Correct Power. To all my LGBT friends out there, please rest assured that Fred is the only gay person I don't love and I have a big surprise waiting for him."


Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Putin invades Crimea-Obama digs deep for response

The solution is just out of reach
In an unprecedented bold move  Obama has decided to "unfriend" Vladimir Putin on the Presidential Facebook page.
The White House described this move as having a "withering effect" on Putin. The Far Left was less than enthusiastic with this limp wristed gesture introducing a Senate Bill stipulating  Putin's entire Facebook account be deleted and the empty bandwidth be beamed into outer space.
Governor Rick Perry (R-Tex) demanded all Russian assets under American jurisdiction be frozen and distributed to Texas citizens so we can, "buy more guns and ammo to take care of those commie sons of bitches."
God Bless Texas.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Women don't say what they mean

Melissa Bopp
Local police say a Florida woman stabbed her soon-to-be husband in front of her child because he wouldn’t take her to a liquor store. 
Melissa Bopp was charged with aggravated battery after she attacked Cedric Henry with a “large knife.”

Immediately prior to the stabbing, Bopp had asked Henry to take her to the store to buy liquor, according to a Fort Bierce Police report. Henry refused, saying he didn’t want to drive intoxicated.

After the stabbing, Henry was taken to a hospital in an unknown condition. His grandmother says the couple was supposed to be married next week.

Our Refried Confusion reporter caught up with Melissa at the jail. When asked for a comment, Ms. Bopp replied " I have learned that me and Cedric should have had serious discussions while planning to get married. My fiancé needs to understand that what I was really asking is 'Do you want to go to the liquor store or do you want me to stab you?'

I love a woman with spirit.