Jesus loves me...or does He?

Yesterday I purchased a 10-count package of Southwest Tortillas from my local food market and, behold, I was blessed with an image of The Savior on a tortilla !!!!!

Then, I got to thinking, "Why didn't Jesus just say something to me or better yet, just have a new Dodge Ram pickup truck appear in my driveway ?"

All those Masses I attended and Rosaries I said and all I got for my efforts is a damned tortilla.

Shit.

Christmas 2011

The puppy I got for Christmas wont wake up.


Fuck you, Santa.

Obama, The Musical

This is some of the most creative political satire I have ever seen.

WTF? #3

An evangelical church in Gainsville, Florida plans to commerate the 911 anniversary by burning copies of the Quran on church property.

The idea of burning something, or someone, you are oppossed to has a long tradition in the South. It is as if the Holy Flames are cleansing angels when utilized by some white trash religious zealot who claims to have a direct connection with The Cosmic Muffin.

***********************

Another Florida preacher named Keller wants to build a 911 Christian Center very near the proposed mosque site, in NYC. Mr. Keller received his degree from Jerry Fallwell's "university" while serving a 3 year prison term for inside trading. In addition to Muslims this man-o-god also hates Hindus, anyone who is pro choice and Mormons.

WTF? #2

The Source of Nancy's Inspiration.

Recently the Speaker of The House, Nancy Pelosi, called for an investigation into who is funding anybody opposed to the Mosque construction in New York City saying, "And I join those who have called for looking into how is this opposition to the mosque is being funded."

Thus yet another Right Wind Conspiracy is hatched.

This woman is delusional and should lay off the medical reefer she must get in the Bay Area.

When asked about the source of her information on the opposition funding, the Speaker was photographed explaining that she receives encoded secret insights from Norom, the Ruler of the Planet Larebil.

Come and get me, Nancy, just bring the hydro with you.

WTF?

Charlie Rangel talks with God

Rep. Charlie Rangel recently addressed a crowd at Columbia University and revealed that God told him not to cop a plea to avoid a public trial on ethics charges.

This morning I had a conversation with the Creator, who told me He doesn't remember ever talking with Charlie.

When a news reporter in the crowd asked Rep. Rangel what action he will take if found Guilty, Charlie was photographed (see above) explaining, in detail,  how he will shoot himself in the head with two pistols.

What a POS.

Left of zero?

I was watching a movie the other night and a character said the Catholic grace before meals. It struck me as interesting that I still recall all the words of this little ditty. We spoke the prayer often enough to be deeply committed to memory. Then, I was reminded how Catholic I still must be.




Being a Catholic meant little to me until I became an Altar Boy, in the fourth grade, I think. The Mass was in Latin in those days and many a young boy, like myself, had memorized almost all of it. The attraction was simple. We were part of the action. We had close up positions when the priest said the magic words which turned the cardboard-tasking communion wafer into the Hairy Thunderer Himself. I was there for the miracle and with my friends we spoke part of the Latin mojo that made it so. To top it all, we got to wear liturgical costumes which served to further separate us from the unwashed mob in the wooden pews. It was cool. Eventually, I graduated from the 8th grade and because I had to change schools, I could no longer be an altar boy.


This may seem a small obstacle, but it was a BFD for me and I felt a part of my life change and just pass me by. I expected getting older to have some perks, but this was the first time I felt that getting older cost me something.


Obviously it is a loss I still recall.


Then, another memory came to me.


My best friend was David and we spent a lot of time trying to be tough, cussing, smoking cigarettes and laughing. Pig Latin was mastered so we could cuss to each other in a form of code. We spent many days deep in the woods down by the river where we mastered the arts of the young male experience…and we laughed more. The air was thick, humid and smelled like the color green. We watched, with awe, the thunderstorms roll inland from the Gulf and we experienced the change in the electrical ions. My first buzz. This was the real deal. The woods were beyond magic. You could smell it, you could taste it and damned…you could even pee on it. It was completely ours. Since David lived down the street we spent a lot of time together. After graduating from high school, we went in other directions and rarely saw each other. About a year later, I was leaving my parents house and had a girlfriend in my car when David drove up. Both our cars were stopped in the street and David had his soon-to-be wife in the car with him. I cannot recall our conversation but I expect the talk was more awkward than normal. As I drove off it hit me…Something important was over. My best friend and I had parted ways and another magical aspect of my life was gone.






After experiencing these memories again, I first thought that I was measuring life in terms of losses. Now, after going through the process of recording these memories, I realize that I am tracking my life in terms of changes and lessons.