Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Ahmadinejad: No homosexuals in Iran


Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad  repeated Tuesday the assertion that, "Gays in Iran are as rare as neckties." This was in reference to the Carter Administration's sanction which forbade the export of men's silk bow ties and neck ties to Iran during the Hostage Crisis, which began on November 4, 1979.

We caught up with President Obama at the Fuzzy Fern Cabaret where he was watching Lingerie League Football. When asked if he had a response to the Ahmadinejad statement Obama replied, "That bitch is such a liar and I'll scratch her eyes out."

Such drama in New York.


Thursday, September 20, 2012

My Book Signing Tour

As soon as my Parole Officer can arrange it, I will be leaving home to promote my new Children's Book.
I hope to see you at Barnes & Noble.


The Best Candy




Natural Selection at Work in Pakistan

Ordinarily it takes several generations for a species of reproducing organisms to loose less desirable genetic traits.

A Pakistani protestor has died after inhaling smoke from burning U.S. flags during a rally against some petty slight.

Abdullah Ismail died in Mayo hospital in Lahore having complained of feeling unwell during the angry demonstrations in the eastern Pakistan city on September 17, 2012.

When you are stupid your whole body suffers.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Was Jesus Married? Nuns Riot in Protest

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — A historian of early Christianity at Harvard Divinity School has identified a scrap of papyrus that she says was written in Coptic in the fourth century and contains a phrase never seen in any Scripture: "Jesus said to them, 'My wife … .she will be able to be my disciple."

The finding is being made public in Rome on Tuesday at an international meeting of Coptic scholars by the historian Karen L. King, who has published several books about new Gospel discoveries and is the first woman to hold the nation's oldest endowed chair, the Hollis professor of divinity.

"This is a Muslim conspiracy and I'll kick her ass"
Sister Mary Brutus, HTC

The Call to Action has been heeded by the order of sisters known as The Holy Thugs for Christ. Roving bands of armed nuns have rioted, shot at Mosques and search for Muslim Ambassadors.

Nuns say, "Lock and load for Jesus" and "Tango Down for Peace."
We contacted the White House and received this response: "The Catholic Church must provide free birth control supplies to all Nun Warriors."
At the foundation of Christianity is the belief that Jesus was incarnated in the human form to live as a suffering man in atonement for our sins. Therefore, it is our considered opinion that in order to properly suffer Jesus must have a wife. 

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Libyan Movie Review

The Obama Administration has confirmed that recent murder of the U.S. Ambassador to Libya was not caused by terrorists but rather well-armed militant film critics.

White House sources claim sharp-dressed, well-meaning film patrons stormed out of the Pedenjo Akbar Four Cineplex angry because the feature film, 72 Virgins Bleed and Cry for All Eternity, was followed by a Porky Pig cartoon marathon.

In addition to this clear cultural insult, the man depicted above, in the middle of the street, has his feelings hurt because there were no Halal corn dogs sold at the movie concession stand.

A local cleric, Imam Itchy al Mossface, stated, "We Muslims are just a bunch of fun guys who love good wholesome movies. But, when that pork cartoon creature appeared on the screen I felt....well, as helpless as a child. I began to cry and my tears fell into my Rasinettes and contaminated them. That calls for Jihad."

"If thou art offended by any Infidel social media, then thou art compelled to bust a cap in his lily-white ass."