Sunday, June 30, 2013

Utah Man Finds Bigfoot Skull

A man in Ogden, Utah named Todd May believes he's in possession of fossilized Bigfoot skull. May, a semi-retired” private investigator, discovered the "skull" near the mouth of Ogden Canyon about 6 weeks ago while looking for fossils. According to one paleontologist who examined the "fossil", the Sasquatch skull looks just like a rock.

We could no resist talking with this man. Below is transcription of our short phone interview with Mr. May:

Ernesto: We really appreciate you taking the time to speak with us.

Todd May: It’s my pleasure.

Ernesto: Tell us, Todd, how does one go about searching for proof of Bigfoot?

Todd May: Well, to tell the truth, I wasn't looking for Bigfoot when I made this discovery.

Ernesto: What were you looking for?

Todd May: The Muffin Man.

Ernesto: I’m not sure I heard you correctly…can you speak up, please?

Todd May: The Muffin Man, The Muffin Man.

Ernesto: The Muffin Man????

Todd May: Do you know the Muffin Man?

Ernesto: Who lives in Drury Lane?

Todd May: Exactly.

Ernesto: What inspires you to begin such searches?

Todd May: I smoke hydro and read The Book of Mormon.

Ernesto: Really?

Todd May: Pinkie swear.

Ernesto: That’s……..interesting, Todd.

Todd May: Do you any more questions?

Ernesto: No, you’ve said enough already, Todd.


Friday, June 28, 2013

Dead Bee Memorial Service in Oregon


Fifty thousand bumblebees will be honored in a memorial this weekend at the Wilsonville Target where a majority of the insects died. State officials directly linked the die-off to trees that had been sprayed with the insecticide Safari. 

Rozzell Medina, of Portland, said that the event will "memorialize these fallen lifeforms." 

Refried Confusion contacted Mr. Medina to inquire how the number of dead bees was determined. "We counted their legs and then divided by six", he proudly stated.

A replica of the memorial monument pictured above will be installed in the Target parking lot with a plaque honoring some of the more prominent fallen members such as: Albert Nectar, Ruth "Buzzy" Pollenson, Marty Stinger, Rupert Bumble, Juan Pointyass, Larry Hives, "Queenie" McTavish, Robert "Honey" Combs, the Swarm brothers, etc.

This reporter has not been able to determine if this will be a closed casket ceremony.

The event is scheduled for 2 p.m. Sunday. We regret we will be unable to attend the services.

We express our appreciation to several commenters on The Oregonian website who provided much of the tasteless material re-posted here.