Friday, March 29, 2013

Pope Francis: Texas Relic is "the real deal"

The Skivvies of Dobbin
Montgomery County, Texas
March 28, 2013
An unidentified retired insurance adjuster was digging a hole in a rural area of southeast Texas when he uncovered a metal chest which contained what locals are referring to as, "The Last Underwear of Jesus."
The man, who refuses to be identified, told Refried Confusion,  " I was digging a hole in the woods to hide my guns and ammo from Obama when I found this metal chest. I had to bang on it real hard with the bumper of an old Dodge truck laying close by. When I got it open, I found an old piece of paper and them there undergarments. I truly believe this to be the Lost Skivvies which was deposited here (Dobbin, TX) by them Templars who was running from those damned frogs (French). It's a (expletive deleted) miracle."
When we asked the gentleman about his plans for the "relic", he responded, "Well, the holy undies will be on display at the next gun show in Conroe."
We will report further on this bizarre discovery.


Thursday, March 21, 2013

Every child is a precious snowflake...Really ??

Charter Member of Generation Cupcake

David Fabrizio, principal of Ipswich Middle School, Ipswich, Mass., notified parents of his plan to eliminate the school's Honors Night last week.

"The Honors Night, which can be a great sense of pride for the recipients' families, can also be devastating to a child who has worked extremely hard in a difficult class but who, despite growth, has not been able to maintain a high grade point average," Fabrizio penned in his first letter to parents.

Fabrizio also said he decided to make the change because academic success can be influenced by the amount of support a student receives at home and not all students receive the same level of emotional and academic support at home.

Refried Confusion contacted Principal Fabrizio this morning to inquire about his reasoning behind this decision. Fabrizio cited a recent study which, he claims, revealed that Attila the Hun, Adolph Hitler and Timothy McVeigh were all traumatized because they had no animals to bring to school on Pet Day.  "Some hugs and a few cupcakes could have saved millions of lives" quipped Fabrizio.

The Pussification of America is alive and well in New England.


Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Texas Man The New Pope?

Pope Sonny Junior I ?

In a startling revelation Refried Confusion has learned that a Naturalized Texas Citizen, and current resident,  could become the next Pope of the Catholic Church.

Sonny Junior has a worldwide following and is known as a Redneck Renaissance Man, a lover of Pablo Picasso and good scotch.

Sonny has a mystical side as well, when this past Christmas he cured a ham and predicted that Joy Behar would be leaving The View.

In his campaign for Church Reform, Sonny has vowed that when elected, masturbation will no longer be considered a Mortal Sin, but re-classified a Class III Misdemeanor. This will free up the confessional considerably. In addition, Sonny pledges to substitute the Eucharist (communion wafer) with sliced brisket sandwiches. Side orders of beans and/or potato salad would be available at extra cost.

I'm heading over to St. Francis to light some candles and pray.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Hugo Chavez - Good, Better and Best

Sean, mi amor!

The Good:

Finally, this vile creature, this Boil on the Butt of Mankind has died. It is reported "He suffered a lot" as he battled an unspecified cancer in the pelvic region.  Damned, that had to hurt.

The Better:

As of this writing, Hugo Chavez remains dead.

The Best:

Today we learned that a military source advised the Associated Press that "He (Chavez) couldn't speak but he said it with his lips ... 'I don't want to die. Please don't let me die.'

Another source, close to Chavez, said the President of Venezuela, "Lloré como una niña, mierda en su camuflaje ropa interior Hanes y luego murió, agarrando su muñeca de Justin Bieber". (Cried like a little girl, shit in his camo Hanes underwear and then died clutching his Justin Bieber doll.)

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Alamo Day 2013

On this say in 1836, the Alamo and its defenders fell to the Mexican Army.

People worldwide continue to remember the Alamo as a heroic struggle against impossible odds — a place where men made the ultimate sacrifice for freedom. For this reason, the Alamo remains hallowed ground and the Shrine of Texas Liberty.

God Bless Texas.