Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Siegfried & Roy's white tiger has died

LOS ANGELES (AP) -- Mantecore, the white tiger that injured Roy Horn on a Las Vegas stage in 2003, has died. He was 17.

A statement released by illusionist duo Siegfried & Roy on Tuesday said the tiger died from an illness on March 19. No other details were provided.

Refried Confusion animal expert, Anna Conda PhD, states: "This magnificent animal probably died because it could not get the taste of Roy out of it's mouth."


Thursday, March 20, 2014

Jesus: Fred Phelps was an asshole

The face of evil in a funny hat
Jesus of Nazareth speaks out on the death of Fred Phelps:

"Let me begin by stating that I never spoke or revealed anything to this asshole.  Actually it was my idea to call Irritable Bowel Syndrome Fred Phelps Disease but I was overruled by a Higher Politically Correct Power. To all my LGBT friends out there, please rest assured that Fred is the only gay person I don't love and I have a big surprise waiting for him."


Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Putin invades Crimea-Obama digs deep for response

The solution is just out of reach
In an unprecedented bold move  Obama has decided to "unfriend" Vladimir Putin on the Presidential Facebook page.
The White House described this move as having a "withering effect" on Putin. The Far Left was less than enthusiastic with this limp wristed gesture introducing a Senate Bill stipulating  Putin's entire Facebook account be deleted and the empty bandwidth be beamed into outer space.
Governor Rick Perry (R-Tex) demanded all Russian assets under American jurisdiction be frozen and distributed to Texas citizens so we can, "buy more guns and ammo to take care of those commie sons of bitches."
God Bless Texas.