Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Facebook Censors Navy Seals, Becomes Obama's Bitch

Over the weekend, Facebook took down a message by the Special Operations Speaks PAC (SOS) which highlighted the fact that Obama denied backup to the forces being overrun in Benghazi.

The message was contained in a meme which demonstrated how Obama had relied on the SEALS when he was ready to let them get Osama bin Laden, and how he had turned around and denied them when they called for backup on Sept 11.

Facebook has spread like meth through a trailer park. Even the terrorists post their bowel movements in real time.

This is a new low, even for the crap-filled internet.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Texas College Student Expands Definition of "Stupid"

Dereon Tayronne Kelly

A Texas A&M student was arrested, in College Station, for using his cell phone to transmit a bomb threat email to the TAMU Computing Services Office. The incident occurred this past Friday and the campus was evacuated. Mr. Kelly is being held in the Brazos County Jail on $150,000 bond.

The Planned Parenthood Center for Choice in Bryan, Tx has chosen Mr. Kelly for their "Living Advertisement for Birth Control" and his mugshot, depicted above, will be printed on all future packages of condoms.

Law enforcement officials have informed us that Mr. Kelly's higher education will continue in the county jail and the suspect was quickly enrolled in Soap Dropping 101.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

I was an undecided voter, until last night...

Undecided Michigan Voters

The final debate opened my eyes to the Master of the Universe that President Obama really is. How could I have been so dismissive all these years? The President is above mere debate, his verbal communications are the ultimate seminar on the English language.

In an exchange with Romney, about military spending, His Essence Obama, played his Ace...America's new military weapons. We provide the direct quote:

"We have these things called aircraft carriers, where planes land on them. We have these ships that go underwater, nuclear submarines."

Wow!! I am impressed at that Presidental utterance. Surely our worldwide enemies are still shitting in their galabiyyas at this withering revelation.

Sleep safe, America.

Friday, October 19, 2012

An End to Nudity in San Francisco?

Recently a San Francisco Supervisor, Scott Wiener (his real name), proposed bringing an end to much of his city's public nudity. San Francisco already bans nudity in its public parks and last year passed a law,  backed by Mr. Wiener,  that requires nudists to cover chairs and benches in public places before sitting on them.

Wiener states, " Castro area bakeries report a rise in the shoplifting of donuts. It's odd that kolaches never come up missing."

The Mission Area police recently arrested a nude male exhibiting a boner, since public nudity is currently allowed as long as the naked person is not sexually aroused. The alleged offender claims, "I was only giving a tourist directions to the museum."

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Is Farting a Free Speech Issue?

We ran across this story yesterday and it bears repeating.

Thanks to our brother at Iowa City Watch Dawg,, for this article which is deserving of a Pulitzer.

Man Farts Near Mosque, Beheaded

In an  act of respect for the great Muhammed, a group of angry Muslims in Cleveland, Ohio beheaded an average white guy for “passing gas” near their mosque. When one of them was asked why he did it, he responded, “Farting near a place of worship is asking for Jihad! Death to America!”

According to the police report, the man, 36 year old Stan Johannesen, a steel worker and devout Browns fan, had met a group of friends for Taco Tuesday at a local bar and was headed back to his apartment when his bowels began to loosen up. Unable to find a porta potty nearby, Johannesen figured he’d just let one rip and hope he didn’t shart. Unbeknownst to him, worshippers at the nearby mosque heard his flatulence and regarded it as another example of white Christian insensitivity to the sacred institution of Islam. After chopping off the man’s head in broad daylight, it is reported that the male attackers ate Johannesen’s testicles and displayed his body to Allah as an example of how superior and loving Islam truly can be.

Muslim President Barack Obama blames Johannesen for the incident, stating, “It’s a blatant show of arrogance and Western imperialism to fart near a mosque. He deserves what he got.” The Watchdawg will most likely receive death threats for posting this story, but the news knows no boundaries.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Post Debate Relaxation

Last night's debate was HD chloroform and if it were not for that Red Bull enema I would still be in a coma.

At the conclusion of the program I was winding down with a neat scotch and wondered how Obama and Romney relaxed. Here is what we found out:

His Ass-Holiness Obama got a handjob from Candy Crowley. "I pretended it was awesome" gushed the President.

At the same time, across town, Romney stripped down to his Mormon "Home of the Whopper" underwear and got on the floor to play with his Joseph Smith Action Figure. Sources close to Romney report that his action figure collection of Smith's 24 wives is complete.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Biden's Debate Stategy Leaked

"Shrimp-dick? I don't think so"

Photos of Joe Biden's debate practice have been delivered to this office.

In a Refried Confusion exclusive, we have learned that Joe Biden plans to brag about the size of his penis in the Vice Presidential Debate later tonight.

Further strategies include Joe's soulful harmonica rendition of the Jethro Tull classic, "Thick as a brick" and his effort to reach out to African-American voters, "Unca Joe gonna take good care of all his homies."