Black Lives Matter Movement makes demands ~ Obama reads the list

Living in Our P.C. World

The Cult of Obama Worship continues...literally.

Progressives think we are children

It is no wonder the weather has been bad down here. The Blessed One, Maker of Rainbows and Giver of Light was in Jamaica. May He return to us soon and bring back the Sun that shines out His Ass. (PB&J Be Upon Him)

The Obama Doctrine

Another reason to avoid Walmart and Florida

Taylor Davis

An Orlando man is accused of masturbating in a Kissimmee Walmart, damaging property with his bodily fluids, and following around a woman while listening to audio pornography, court records show.

 A Walmart security guard spotted Taylor Davis, 20, in the infants' department of the Walmart on Vineland Road Tuesday evening, listening to headphones and touching his joystick through a hole he cut inside his black hooded sweatshirt, records show.

Davis saw a woman he thought was attractive and started following her around, he later told a deputy sheriff.

It is a little known fact that public masturbation has been socially acceptable in Florida since 1513 when Ponce de Leon began his search for the Templar Wanker Well, previously known as the Fountain of Youth. Bearing this in mind, Osceola County sheriff charged Davis with Having Sex With The Only Person You Really Love.

The parents of this disturbed young man refused to comment to our Florida reporter. We did learn, from a neighbor, that the Davis family dog ran away out of sheer shame and disgust.

A Native Son

Christmas 2014

This year I tried something different. I baked a cake for Jesus. I like to cook but I don't do cakes and it was real pain. By the time the cake was completed, I was exhausted and decided to sit in the recliner and have a drink to rest. Hours later, when I woke up with a headache, I found the empty bourbon bottle on the floor and the cake was half eaten.

I blame Jesus for that.

The Gift

"It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them, and every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are."

 - Anonymous

The Gunfighter

Official Presidential Golf Balls

Guaranteed to slice left. Only $79.95 per dozen, plus fondling & shipping.

I want looting at my funeral

I never thought I would be so trendy.

After watching the news, I now see I have missing out on the latest custom to memorialize the passing of a fellow human-Looting.

Just after I am cremated this is how it will work:

My closest friends (you know who you are) will each receive several Pre-Paid Visa Cards totaling about $500.00. You will be encouraged to dress in your best thug finery and will be transported, via limo, to a few of the local retail establishments.

Just imagine the thrill of pseudo looting as you rush and push your way into Spec’s Liquor and grab bottles of premium bourbon and scotch. The uptight suburbanites will give you a wide berth as you dash into the walk-in humidor to cop a handful of Cohiba “Red Dot” Toros.  Don’t forget the ice, lots of ice, it’s going to be long night. As you hastily exit, be sure to leave your Visa Card with one of the terrified sales clerks.

The limo will take you to Academy Sports & Outdoors. You and your mob will run in and grab as much ammo as you want. You did remember to bring a hand gun didn’t you? You will need a large cooler for all that ice you just looted. The high dollar Nike shoes are in the rear left corner. Disclaimer: Your Pre-Paid Visa Card will not be valid for any Texas Hunting License. Again, throw down the correct Visa card. Time to move on.

The last looter’s venue will be HEB Central Market. Your Visa will not be accepted for any health-related food items. I recommend you move quickly and abscond Prime Beef Rib Eyes and for the real ballsy looter, Prime Rib Roast.

Then, off to the deer lease for a night of drinking, eating and shooting guns.

I wish I could be there.

Johnny Winter

February 23, 1944 - July 16, 2014

New Netflix release just in time for the summer

Premature suicide belt explosion dampens jihadi party

Gather the children and pour your favorite beverage. This experience will be the high point of your summer. Family Fun in its purest form.

Takfiri Terrorists having a small party in Syria are reported to be singing (in Arabic) the 1962 Leslie Gore hit "It's my party, and I'll die if I want to...you would die too if it happened to you."

After the explosion, the fun-loving terrrorists rum amok shouting "Aloha Snackbar."

(Thanks to Thomas Lifson and American Thinker)

How Jesus spent Easter Monday

Tax Day 2014

There is nothing funny about ObamaCare...however...

"Life's hard. It's even harder when you're stupid.” - John Wayne

 

A victim of Natural Selection

 

 

 

 

 

LUFKIN, Texas (AP) — Police in East Texas have arrested a woman after she called them to complain about the quality of the marijuana she had purchased from a dealer.

Lufkin police Sgt. David Casper said Monday that an officer went to the home of 37-year-old Evelyn Hamilton to hear her complaint that the dealer refused to return her money after she objected that the drug was substandard.

Casper says she pulled the small amount of marijuana from her bra when the officer asked if she still had it.

She was arrested Friday on a charge of possession of drug paraphernalia.

Hamilton said Monday that she spent $40 on "seeds and residue." She says she called police when she got no satisfaction from the dealer's family.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Siegfried & Roy's white tiger has died

 

Mantecore

 

 

 

LOS ANGELES (AP) -- Mantecore, the white tiger that injured Roy Horn on a Las Vegas stage in 2003, has died. He was 17.


A statement released by illusionist duo Siegfried & Roy on Tuesday said the tiger died from an illness on March 19. No other details were provided.


Refried Confusion animal expert, Anna Conda PhD, states: "This magnificent animal probably died because it could not get the taste of Roy out of it's mouth."






 

 





Jesus: Fred Phelps was an asshole

 

The face of evil in a funny hat

 

 

 

 

Jesus of Nazareth speaks out on the death of Fred Phelps:

 



"Let me begin by stating that I never spoke or revealed anything to this asshole.  Actually it was my idea to call Irritable Bowel Syndrome Fred Phelps Disease but I was overruled by a Higher Politically Correct Power. To all my LGBT friends out there, please rest assured that Fred is the only gay person I don't love and I have a big surprise waiting for him."